Governor Fashola and Lagos, the Mega City

I am not a big fan of Governor Fashola good as the mega city idea sounds. Much as Eko o ni baje sounds. As a matter of fact I was angry on February 14, 2009 when he contracted Elizabeth R to distribute balloons to Lagosians as his show of commitment to Lagos. For me the big question was na balloon we go chop? I was even angrier at the investment in xmas decorations in the streets of Lagos, pretty as they were. My sentiments are that we need good roads and lots more infrastructure as opposed to Governor’s BRF show of affection.

However, one thing came to mind recently, beggars on the streets of Lagos. I don’t recall seeing beggars while in Lagos traffic anymore. Just like me, you may unconsciously not have noticed. Its either that or I have become a bigz girl that I failed to notice. Here’s what I mean.

Begging in our streets especially at bus stops and areas where traffic lights are pitched used to be cause for anxiety as beggars were a big menace. At some point in Lagos, it was a source of livelihood and to some others a profession or vocation (you’ll understand soon enough). For me distinguishing between the destitute and the beggar had proven an arduous task. Some used to beg in-style and others did it the traditional way.

I do not know if you recall a most interesting group of child-beggars. Cute little girls with their tanned fair skin and silky curly hair (which most of us would give anything to have) who used to go on bare feet or bathroom slippers! Rumour had it that they were children from Niger. They would follow and glue to pedestrian (ladies in particular) like magnet to a metal, flattering to get what they wanted. Now, these ones used to insist and would embarrass you if you refused to let go of your money, some even attempted to seize ladies bags with a lot of aggression. This worked at a time but as time went by they lost audience. So they reinvented themselves and began to parade at bus stops with trays of sweets singing in the three Nigerian languages interchangeably, asking that you support them by buying their sweets, since you have constantly reprimanded them for begging. Yet again they are very persistent. What was most absurd about these beggars was the fact that their parents sat across the streets calmly waiting to collect the proceeds of the child-beggars.

Another no-longer popular group of beggars is the breast feeding mother with her suckling twin babes on her nipples under the heat of the sun. Hers was an emotional game - hoping that you’ll take pity on her at the sight of the poor little ones (even when she failed to do so herself) and let go of a few Nairas. Quite selfish of her and to her detriment most times, passers-by turned deaf ears disgusted at the sight. Her male counterparts who also used ‘pity’ as his strategy were those with either an amputated arm or leg. Some say they are victims of the Sharia law. Could it be true? If true, did judgment passed on them justify begging? I still see a few of them around Maryland but no longer rampant.


The most appalling of this pity driven group of beggars are a popular sect on the Falomo Bridge and Kingsway Road. A perfect picture is a child or an adult on a wheel chair with a growth or swelling on the face or neck which has caused the body part to be distorted. This syndicate would usually use an amplifier pleading for help on behalf of the sufferer while other members share leaflets as well as collect donations from well meaning Nigerians. I wonder if they really used the proceeds for the treatment as claimed. Afterall, the sufferer is handicapped and cannot fight!


“…Excuse me madam, am actually on my way to Iyana-Ipaja, CMS to Iyana-Ipaja is a hundred naira but I just have sixty naira, could you please assist me by giving me anything you have. I really don’t mean to embarrass you, thank you….”. Does that ring a bell? Those are the professionals who had perfected the act. I bet this is familiar both for the motorist and pedestrian. I call them corporate because they are polite, well dressed, well spoken and present their case very well. The first thing that comes to mind when such walks up to you is that he wants to ask for directions. Hell no! You’re wrong, he’s a beggar. But who has perfected the act.

Back in 2003 when I used to ride home with a colleague after work, I was introduced to the Allah bà mùsà. Those were the magic word to dismiss the fail old beggar (the Ba bi Allah, beggars). I realized that each time the Ba bi Allah-beggar approached my colleague dismissed them by saying Allah bà mùsà. When I probed, I learnt that Allah bà mùsà meant “God will provide”.

The Ba bi Allah, beggars are the traditional duo of a frail old man mumbling with his walking-stick and plate, guided by a child. They are not aggressive trusting God to provide and satisfied with whatever goes into the plate no matter how small. To them, it is okay for some to have more than others and for he who doesn’t; it is more dignifying to beg than to steal, so they beg willing. They do not make a fuss about it and are willing to move on to the next vehicle if they do not get any response.

The question is - Did God really provide or is Governor BRF gradually succeeding at cleaning the streets of Lagos? If the answer is yes, then I guess Governor BRF’s mega city plan is working and I cannot but give him Kudos.

Eko o ni baje o!

Love Vs. Romance

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 says ’Love is patient and kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails’.

Rhythm FM presenter IK aka the Wild Child says “Love is a decision to give yourself to someone” while Dan Forster of Inspiration FM says “Love is TIME”.

Their definitions of love both strike me although I was more impressed by the fact that they could define Love somewhat unlike the majority of Nigerian men who say they are in Love but cannot define it. I guess for IK he continues to reassure the Vitamin O by saying ‘hey baby, there are so many hot ladies out there but I choose you!’. Am sure you’d be wondering where that came from, but if you are a follower of IK’s radio show you’d know him to drop lines that sound like that. He plays out to be a ladies’ man and a natural flirt so much so that even the Vitamin O has become his partner in crime.

But here’s what struck me even more; a guy once called into Chaz B’s show, sharing life’s issues and asked his fellow men to grow up. Why? According to him, Pastor Paul Adefarasin of the House on the Rock church defines Romance as this simple equation: ROMANCE = MONEY+POWER+SEX. When I heard that, I said to myself, wow! How profound. Really if that’s what romance is, then why bother about Love given that Nigerian men truly are incapable of loving?

I came to a submission some nine years ago that Love doesn’t exist, at least in this clime. Nigerian
men tell you they are natural polygamists and that that’s the way they were created. That they are genetically wired differently from Oyinbo men. They use lines like: ‘How can a man continue to eat only Egusi? Variety is the spice of life’, blah blah blah! So, I gave up expecting Love to happen and as a rule tell every man I have known since then not to make me any promises. And like Demi Moore in the movie Ghost, I vowed not to use the word LOVE. When men ask me what I want from a relationship, I say ‘I don’t know’. When they ask me about myself, I say ‘You’ll find out as we get along, let’s just have fun'. I have replaced the word LOVE with phrases like: ‘I am falling into you’; ‘I really care about you’; ‘You make me happy’ and ‘I am getting emotionally involved’. These phrases work just fine, as far as am concerned. My very last escapade can tell you that when he mentioned that he was falling in Love with me, I stopped chatting and laughed-out-loud and in my head I was thinking, 'who are you fooling?!

My girlfriends and a very fond ex-boyfriend tried to make me see or think otherwise but I refuse to.
Tell me, how many Nigerian men can achieve 100% or a close 80% of what 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 defines as love? Yet that’s the most quoted text on LOVE. Moreso, how many are capable of giving themselves to just one woman as IK suggests. As for TIME being equal to LOVE, that’s the most practical definition of all three mentioned, yet our men can't even achieve that.

The truth is that I cannot but agree with Pastor Paul because no woman wants to be with a man 24-7, 365 days a year if he hasn’t got JOB, has no money, is not in control of his finances, lives in his mother’s house, if he’s a mummy’s boy that does all his mother says, is not seen to be in control of something, hasn't got the suave or panache, doesn't make her melt at his touch, if he says YES to all his woman says but is available all the time to hold her hand, listen to her and meet her sexual needs. By inference, such men define love as: LOVE = BROKE+TIME+WEAK. But we no fit chop Sex na, check am!

Some ladies settle for such men because according to them you have peace and are guaranteed of his fidelity. But the truth is that such women envy the woman whose man is a suave Mr. Fix it. They also wish to be pampered because truly a little vanity doesn’t hurt. Nigerian women love strong men.

Like my friend Yinka Ijabiyi says…’whose mumu switch are you pushing?’. Is it the weak low-life or the high and mighty? According to him in his write-up keys, ‘If all you’ve got is some 'small-fry-hiding-their-tiny-head-in-a-puddle-somewhere-pretending-to-be-the-king-or-queen-of-the-zanga’s mumu switch, then you my friend are a bigger idiot than the mumu you’ve got their switch’.

As for me, I'm not really interested in the mumu switch. I settle for Romance because the only kind of Love I want is that between a mother and her child. Our mothers love us conditionally. Good or bad (pikin wey bad na im Mama get am); fat or skinny; ugly or good looking (monkey no fine, im Mama like am); tall or short, black or white. My mum Theresa, and I have quarreled countless times but we kiss and make-up so easily that the reason behind the quarrels cease to exist and stop hurting. But it hasn’t been so with me and the opposite sex. The biblical injunction of forgiving as many as 70x7 times has only applies to Me and my Mum but has failed to apply in my relationships with men. My roommate told me back in our university days that friendship is like a piece of china (tea-cup), once cracked can never remain the same. You may try to mend it but it will never be the same. My love for my mum and vice versa has defied that rule yet the rule holds true for my relationship with that particular friend and a lot of men I have come across in my life.

Ultimately, if Love with the man-in-my-life cannot be as it is between Me and Theresa; then I settle for Romance!